the last post?

I started this blog as a writing prompt. I finished the assignment a week later, and was done.

then, my friend Michelle wanted a sequel on the fat camp debacle. my social worker friend Priscilla said people need to hear this. two other gal friends, Sandra and Deborah, said they love my stories with a capital WOW, and told me to keep writing. Valerie, who’s a writer, hasn’t said anything - except she’s busy, and doesn't get to read it much. hmm. that’s generally a clue- when people say nothing, there’s usually a takeaway: A) they’re jealous or B) they don’t like it, and don’t want to say so.

Hint: it goes like this. you know that outfit or haircut you just got? and you run into someone afterwards, and they just stare at you, dumbly? heads up. silence speaks volumes.

David, one of my best guys, likes my posts about death and dying - pretty much his favorite topic. this from his 30 years of being a caregiver- it never gets old to him. he’s totally prissy about other stuff though. like feelings……FYI. I don’t post anything I haven’t recovered/ healed from. don’t you worry! my friend Courtney was in a bit of shock and horror on my first hospitalization/eating disorder post. I think she thought it was currently going on. She wished me well.

Holten, my friend from childhood, is my biggest fan on facebook. truth be told, he may be my only fan. My friend Frank, Loves my writing and Loves my voice on the podcast - with two capital L’s. he shared it on his fan page, (he’s a little famous), and it blew up - meaning, it was shared a zillion times. obviously, people were getting value from the post, or just trusting Frank.

my friend Cathleen subscribed, but is completely off the radar. hello? earth to Cathleen. am I being ghosted?

I was gifted recently by a school friend, with the comment “insightful,” after I wrote my post on dying. she lost her son. wow. there’s no easy way to say those words, that doesn’t carry some pain. I can’t imagine. I think of her, and her bravery. I hope my post gave her something.

my friend Mary, who I hadn’t heard from in years showed up and loved my writing with another capital L. she insisted I give the Moth a go! (a speaking platform). My neighbor Sharon likes my sense of humor- but she’s always nice.

lastly, my friend Kim. she’s the best. she reads them all, and tells me to “trust my feels.” this was in response to a bit of a heavy piece i’d written when my mother attempted to murder my father. yes. that happened. I took the post down later, so I don’t know if you saw it. it was a good piece, and no one died, don’t worry, but I wasn’t sure if people wanted to hear that kind of stuff. this is what I mean about the blogosphere as one dimensional. red pill people- take the blue pill- and talk to me. (that’s from the matrix if you haven’t seen it).

I have no real “why” for keeping this blog going. unless I have a revelation. not like in the Bible, but something…

Lisa loved the shorts bit way back in the beginning. grasping for straws here… I remember the nice thoughts, the gratitude, the 3,000 views in less than 2 months, and this with me having no idea how to boost google search optimization. those international views? very cool. still, I don’t know. should I keep on? it’s kind of a one way street at this point.

I want to thank my unknown subscriber… you made my day, cuz I figure you signed up ‘cause you actually like reading the blog. that’s a grand thing, so thank you.

for those I never heard from? I get it. I’m shy too. I know… can you imagine? a lot of you read this, and don’t subscribe. so how does a person know - said person being me- if i should continue?

bye for now

paulina